Sara, I appreciate your courage and resolve in sharing this very personal piece.
Don't forget that Jesus was crucified following the accusations of religious people in cahoots with governmental authority.
The only question that really matters is: did he rise from being dead?
If he did--if he did overcome death itself-- then you should set that truth aside for yourself, aApart from the religious baggage.
Someday you will die.
If you can believe that Jesus will resurrect you, is that not a better fate than any alternative on the other side of that great divide?