Tessa. I understand. There is definitely a tendency toward rigid fundamentalism in the community of faith. These days, it is quite counterproductive, insofar as the seekers of this world can see through that hollow veneer of law, which has no power to satisfy.
These days, the so-called “evangelical” gravitation toward trumpism is crazy; it is evidence of the shallowness of their faith. The way things are going now, many of the evangelical camp will be sucked into fascism before they know what has happened.
That is one reason the ejection of trump from his position is absolutely essential.
At the risk of further risk of alienating you from my worldview, I would simply like to submit a suggestion. In your search for meaning and purpose through the rest of this life, you may find it helpful — or just interesting — to separate (reject) all the anthropomorphic religion baggage from that person who stood on a mountainside in Galilee long ago and spoke a message of love and tolerance and beautitude. And decide if there is any merit in that message.
Secondarily, consider the inevitability of your own death. If the mountainside teacher’s message of love extended in time beyond earthly life indicates any evidende of the possibility of prolonging your own finite life beyond death’s door . . . it may be worth a second look, apart from all the religious hype.
My personal conclusion has been that the person who claims to be still alive after being fatally executed by an unjust religio-lexical system — that survivor’s recommendation for life surpasses all others.